


The Room Where It Happens

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: COOL DAD WASHINGTON WOOOOO, F/F, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 19:39:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8546557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: raise a glass to whatever: we don't deserve each other do wei don't even like ham: nOPE





	

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in fucking july

Bob's Burgers Squad

i don't even like ham: is it too much to ask to have a qUICK AND PAINLESS DEATH

m a g e n t a: babe pls

i don't even like ham: DON'T """BABE""" ME 

i don't even like ham: AT THE MOMENT SATAN HIMSELF IS INVADING MY UTERUS WITH HIS MINIONS AND THEY ALL HAVE MINI PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES AND ARE RIOTING AGAINST THE FACT THAT I DONT HAVE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING INSIDE OF ME THEYRE WORSE THAN GOD DAMN TRUMP SUPPORTERS MY INSIDES ARE CRYING OUT IN PAIN BEGGING FOR THIS NIGHTMARE TO END THEY JUST WANT TO BE F R E E

i am an angel thank u very much: jesus fucking christ

I AM AN ADULT: do you want some of my pain meds

i don't even like ham: yES

I AM AN ADULT: omw

dear theodoge: PEGGY HIT ME UP ON THE WAY BACK I STARTED MINE LAST NIGHT

i am an angel thank u very much: SAME FAVORITE SISTER

this girl is on fire: dick move angelica

raise a glass to whatever: this is a mess

blue wayles: I STARTED MINE TOO???

whICH I WROTE: HOLY SHIT WHO ARE YOU

blue wayles: martha wayles?? tom's cousin??? we've met???

a-a-ron: HOW DID YOU GET HERE

m a g e n t a: hi marty

blue wayles: SH

no: oh my god!!!

no: MARTY!!!

no: that is so cute!!!

blue wayles: tom why must you shame me in this way

I AM AN ADULT: we added her to the chat after y'all got drunk on alex's cum

i don't even like ham: im commiting

no: KJSADHVKEWVB

m a g e n t a: GOOD LORD HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT

give me my shampoo: """alex's cum tastes like ham"""

give me my shampoo: """ironic"""

i don't even like ham: WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS

no: it was laf

oui oui mon ami: I TRUSTED YOU MARIA

no: whos fault was that

blue wayles: so now i know my cousin is gay for six other dudes

m a g e n t a: technically not since alex is agender

blue wayles: oh shit sorry alex

i don't even like ham: its fine!

i don't even like ham: i honestly dont give a fuck about my gender anymore

i am an angel thank u very much: you know what sucks

i am an angel thank u very much: the gender roles trans* people are supposed to follow

i am an angel thank u very much: oh i have an idea

i am an angel thank u very much added the general and the generaless to Bob's Burger's Squad.

i don't even like ham: HI MOM HI DAD

the general: ARE WE TALKING ABOUT GENDER ROLES

BRAP BRAP: gender roles trans* people are """supposed""" to follow

the generaless: OH SHIT HERE WE GO

the general: WHY THE EVERLOVING FUCK ARE TRANS BOYS CONFINED TO WEAR ONLY THE MANLIEST OF SHIT

i don't even like ham: I KNOW??? SHIT MAN AND AGENDER PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS TOLD THAT OUR """"PRONOUNS ARE RIDICULOUS"""

the general: REMEMBER THAT GUY WHO YOU ASKED TO CALL YOU THEY THEM AND HE HAD A FUCKING FIT

BRAP BRAP: YOU HAD TO KEEP ME FROM PUNCHING HIM

the generaless: BREAKING OFF FROM GENDER ROLES FOR A SECOND

the generaless: THE SHIT BI PEOPLE GO THROUGH

i don't even like ham: OHOHOHO DONT GET ME STARTED BECAUSE I WONT STOP

m a g e n t a: I HAD SOMEONE TELL ME I WAS """TOO HANDSOME TO BE POLYSEXUAL"""

whICH I WROTE: POLYSEXUALS GET FUCKING ERASED FROM EVERYTHING

a-a-ron: """so you're just... bi???""" no bITCH

a-a-ron: """so pansexual?"""

a-a-ron: """you know this is really confusing for me, you should change"""

upset melanie martinez singing: IM LATE TO THE PARTY

upset melanie martinez singing: BUT SOMEONE I WAS REALLY CLOSE TO (I WAS GONNA ASK THEM OUT BUT HA N O P E) FOUND OUT I WASNT CIS AND FLAT OUT SAID "ew thats disgusting, why would i date a girl with a penis? ugh- youre a boy!"

hon hon baguette: someone told me i couldnt be gay because i was black???

i don't even like ham: JOHN

raise a glass: WHAT

raise a glass: WAIT

raise a glass: OOOOOOOOOO

i don't even like ham: YEAH

the general: WAIT WHAT HAPPENED

i don't even like ham: OKAY SO

i don't even like ham: BASICALLY WHAT HAPPENED WAS I WAS HOLDING HANDS WITH JOHN WHEN WE WENT TO THE STORE AND THIS GUY CAME UP TO ME, SLAPPED ME WITH HIS BARE HANDS AND SAID I WAS GOING TO HELL

i don't even like ham: BUT IT DOESNT STOP THERE

i don't even like ham: he stARTED RAMBLING ABOUT HOW GAYS WERE A SIN AND THAT I WAS GOING TO GET DEPORTED BACK TO MEXICO (literallly what the fuck im from nevis) AND WHEN HE FINALLY STOPPED ANGELICA WAS BEHIND HIM AND HAD HIM PINNED TO THE GROUND IN .0000002 SECONDS

i am an angel thank u very much: OH MY GOD I REMEMBER THAT

i don't even like ham: AND HE STARTED CRYING AND SAYING HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG AND NEVER LAID A HAND ON ME

i don't even like ham: SO ANGELICA GRABS HIM BY THE ARM AND DRAGS HIM INTO THE STORE (WE FOLLOWED BECAUSE HEY FUCK IT) AND STOPPED AT THE PLACE WHERE THE INTERCOM IS (CANT REMEMBER) 

i don't even like ham: SO THEY ASK "WHATS YOUR FUCKING NAME" AND THE GUY JUST SOBS OUT JEREMY BLACK SO ANGELICA ONE HAND WITH A DEATH GRIP ON HIS WRIST THE OTHER ON THE BUTTON SHOUTED INTO THE INTERCOM "IF THE OWNER OF A LITTLE BITCH NAMED JEREMY BLACK IS HERE PLEASE COME TO THE FRONT"

m a g e n t a: IM WHEEZING

i don't even like ham: SO SOON ENOUGH TWO LITTLE OLD LADIES SHOW UP

i don't even like ham: AND CLAIM HIM

i don't even like ham: AND THEY'RE M A R R I E D

the generaless: IM FUCKING HOWLING

i don't even like ham: THIS KID WHO RAMBLED ON ABOUT HOW GAYS WERE GOING TO HELL

i don't even like ham: HAD T W O GRANDMAS

i am an angel thank u very much: CAN I TELL THE REST OF THE STORY

raise a glass to whatever: ALL I CAN REMEMBER FROM AFTER THAT POINT WAS ME COLLAPSING AND LAUGHING

raise a glass to whatever: SO PLEASE D O

i am an angel thank u very much: ANYWAY SO I TURN TO THE MANAGER WHO HAS A PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO HIDE A GRIN PLASTERED ON HIS FACE AND ASK "I KNOW ITS NOT USUALLY ALLOWED BUT CAN WE SEE THE SECURITY TAPE FOR THE FRONT CAMERA" AND THAT BITCH STEPS RIGHT ASIDE

i am an angel thank u very much: SO WE GET IN THERE AND VIEW THE TAPES AND THE GRANDMAS ARE LIKE """?????""" AND T H E N IT HAPPENS

i am an angel thank u very much: THE KID STARTS HITTING ALEX IN THE VIDIEO AND STARTS SAYNG ALL THE BAD STUFF ABOUT GAY PEOPLE AND HOW ALEX SHOULD GET DEPORTED

i am an angel thank u very much: HE FAILED TO MENTION

i am an angel thank u very much: HIS G R A N D M A ROSE

i am an angel thank u very much: WAS FROM PUERTO RICO

i am an angel thank u very much: AND SHE JUST SLOWLY TURNS TO JEREMEY

i am an angel thank u very much: AND SLOWLY SAYS

i am an angel thank u very much: """what. the. fuck."""

i am an angel thank u very much: SARAH (THE OTHER ONE) WAS IN TEARS AND ROSE DRAGGED JEREMEY OUT BY HIS EAR WHILE SCREAMING PUERTO RICAN PROFANITITES

no: IM SO SAD I MISSED THIS

I don't even like ham: YOU SHOULD BE

m a g e n t a: why are all of us awake this early

whICH I WROTE: its 3 p.m????

m a g e n t a: did I fuckign stutter

a-a-ron: me

-

m a g e n t a: hoo doggy am I gay

give me my shampoo: same

m a g e n t a: no but its just me and alex rn because john laf herc n aaron are going to pick james up from his aunty's and neither of us wanted to go and we had left over frozen yogurt and alex was laying there topless and his lil tum and pudge and love handles were calliNG TO ME

m a g e n t a: so I just kinda 

m a g e n t a: started feeding him?????

m a g e n t a: he was surprised at first but then he went with it and tried to go back to reading but he gave up and now im feeding him and im so emotional

I AM AN ADULT: pictures or it didnt happen

m a g e n t a sent a file: FUCK.jpg

raise a glass to whatever: DJEJEJSJWJDH HE DHDHHEIFYWJ

oui oui mon ami: IM CRYIGN

a-a-ron: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

m a g e n t a: he is so CONTENT RN AND JUST HAS A  FULL TUM AND HE IS SO SOFT AND PURE IM DEAD INSIDE 

TURTLES: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SO IN LOVE

this girl is on fire: HE IS SO CHUB CHUB!!!!!!!!! MARRY ME ALEX!!!!!!!!!

no: excuse me

i don't even like ham: i hate all of you

oui oui mon ami: GDYEJSJWHSNAHAJS

BRAP BRAP: DONT FUCKIGN TOUCH ME I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

no: THIS IS THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN

no: BESIDES MARTY

i don't even like ham: getting away from all the talk about me getting fed

i don't even like ham: how do yall tell each other apart when talking

no: we have nicknames!!!

no: im ruby, theodosia is theo, elizabeth schuy is eliza, elizabeth sand is sandy, martha w is marty (was tha because we felt bad we couldnt think of anything) martha m is manny moo (!!!!) dolley is queen and adrienne is addy!

oui oui mon ami: CRYING

raise glass to whatever: i call hercules bear because hes a giant teddy bear

whICH I WROTE: IM JEMMY

a-a-ron: they've dubbed me frosty

i am an angel thank u very much: why???

a-a-ron: """burr"""

i am an angel thank u very much: oh

i don't even like ham: im either little lion or sugar bee

I AM AN ADULT: IM CRYING SUGAR BEE

I AM AN ADULT: you all call me pegster or tequila but i love both of those names

i am an angel thank u very much: angel or angie :/

oui oui mon ami: does laf count??? If not im sometimes called gil

BRAP BRAP: I FORGOT ABOUT BEAR IM CRYIGN

raise a glass to whatever: IM TURTLEBOY OR POCO OCÉANO

feel the bern: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

i don't even like ham: LITTLE OCEAN

i don't even like ham: also why is your user still feel the bern he's out of the race

feel the bern: he may have lost the race for president

feel the bern: but in the race of my heart

feel the bern: he runs strong

i don't even like ham: me

-

i don't even like ham: lets make a sex chat

i don't even like ham: where no one can be kinkshamed

i don't even like ham: where we can gossip about the bomb ass diCC WE GOT

i am an angel thank u very much: YES

a-a-ron: ye

-

i don't even like ham added a-a-ron, i am an angel thank u very much, m a g e n t a, whICH I WROTE, raise a glass to whatever, oui oui mon ami, hon hon baguette, feel the bern, blue wayles, no, this girl is on fire, BRAP BRAP, I AM AN ADULT, give me my shampoo, upset melanie martinez singing, and dear theodoge. 

i don't even like ham: jfc we have a huge fuckign squad

raise a glass to whatever: ALL OF THE GAYS AND NON HETEROS

i don't even like ham named the chat The Room Where It Happens

a-a-ron: alright we're talking about the bomb ass dicc alex got last night and a new kink we discovered

a-a-ron: polylesbians take notes this applies to you

upset melanie martinez singing: OOOOHOO

a-a-ron: take it away alex

i don't even like ham: :)))))))

i don't even like ham: so being the only sub in a seven person relationship is the fucking best

i don't even like ham: now this is where the talk gets kinky as shit

feel the bern: i am READY

i don't even like ham: AIGHT BY THE TIME YOU'RE DONE GETTING FUCKED BY SIX PEOPLE (we use a swallow/spit rule btw) AND YOU'VE SWALLOWED AT LEAST 12 ROUNDS OF CUM

feel the bern: FUCK YES

i don't even like ham: IM BASICALLY FUCKING INFLATED/STUFFED FROM ALL THE CUM AND SHIT BECAUSE WE HAVE SO MANY R O U N D S

i am an angel thank u very much: kinky

a-a-ron: with the cumflation kink, buttplugs are your ~friend~

upset melanie martinez singing: d i c c

raise a glass to whatever: d i c c

no: d i c c

this girl is on fire: bitch u gay

i don't even like ham: i love waxplay

oui oui mon ami: EDIBLE CANDLE WAX EXISTS Y'ALL

i don't even like ham: and today

i don't even like ham: i was blessed

m a g e n t a: this is gonna sound weird as fuck but i love Alex's tummy

m a g e n t a: i just!!! love to squish!!! it!!!!!!!!!

BRAP BRAP: i love his love handles

i don't even like ham: my tummy is :/

raise a glass to whatever: it is soft and squishy and beautiful and plump and precious god i love you

I AM AN ADULT: THIS IS SO WHOLESOME

i am an angel thank u very much: and just like that, our love for alex skyrocketed

i don't even like ham: i am not ~worthy~ of love

whICH I WROTE: BIIIITCCCCC C C C C C HHHH

a-a-ron: DO YOU W A N T THE COLLAR AGAIN

i don't even like ham: /sonicblasts into hell/

this girl is on fire: kinky yet again

this girl is on fire: but alex you are worth every scrap of love in this world and more okay

this girl is on fire: never think otherwise

i don't even like ham: wow!!! okay!!! fuck!!! this!!! chat!!! was!!! for!!! sex!!! fuck!!!

a-a-ron: oh no he's crying

this girl is on fire: oh no!!!

i don't even like ham: i hate hormones!!!

whICH I WROTE: TO THE ALEX SUPPORT GROUP

whICH I WROTE: A W A Y

-

ALEX SUPPORT GROUP

whICH I WROTE added blue wayles.

whICH I WROTE: LISTEN UP U LITTLE S H I T

whICH I WROTE: I LOVE YOU S O M U C H ITS NOT EVEN DESCRIBABLE

whICH I WROTE: YOU ARE 1/6 OF MY OTHER SIGNIFS BUT THAT JUST MEANS THERE IS MORE LOVE FOR YOU

whICH I WROTE: I WOULD THROW AWAY E V E R Y T H I N G IN MY LIFE THAT IS GOOD (ASIDES FROM YOU AND JOHN LAF HERC TOM AND AARON) J U S T TO SEE YOU HAPPY

i don't even like ham: i

i don't even like ham: fuck

a-a-ron: when i first met you, my first thought was "this kid's fucking insane and out to get me probably" but as i got to know you i ~slowly~ fell in love with you

a-a-ron: and so fucking what you dont have a toned stomach? i dont have any of that either and you love me to death

a-a-ron: a good polyamorous relationship is full of love, nothing one sided but its also full of SELF love

a-a-ron: i know how easy it is to love someone more than yourself, I've been in that situation from when i started dating thomas and james and only recently did i finally realize im a Bad Bitch and i am nothing like what people call me

m a g e n t a: !!!!!!!!

m a g e n t a: i fucking love the fact you're so teeny because when we cuddle i can just ~cover~ you and it makes me feel happy because i feel like im protecting you from the dangers of the world

m a g e n t a: and your lil bab hands were ~made~ to fit mine

raise a glass to whatever: when i kiss you its like sparks fly every fucking time and you're so gentle and sweet and refuse to do anything without our /thorough/ consent and when we ask you to do sub stuff you are so enthusiastic i just l o v e it

oui oui mon ami: and this is going to be kinda kinky but when ever we're done you always!!! take!!! care!!! of!!! us!!! before yourself!!! you make sure we've got water and that we're okay and comfortable before you even think about sitting at the f o o t of the bed!!! and i sometimes get upset by that because you're the sub in this relationship so you should be getting the aftercare not us!!!

BRAP BRAP: i live for your happiness tbh

BRAP BRAP: seeing you get excited over a show or a book you're reading makes my whole heart just implode in my chest

no: alexander fucking hamilton

no: you got me out of an abusive relationship and, not only that, but you got his ass arrested and you exposed him for the piece of shit he is to the majority of America

no: you've been through so much s h i t in your life and you still i n s i s t on helping others instead of yourself

hon hon baguette: and this may be going Too Far but when you had ptsd over a storm and we rode it out together i could see in your eyes how scared you were but you /still/ comforted me

hon hon baguette: and you and me have been best friends for, what, almost eight years now?

this girl is on fire: alex!!! you have been my !best friend! for almost 14 fucking years! a lot of shit has happened to us in those 14 years, your dad leaving, my mom dying, your mom dying, peggy getting sick and almost dying, your cousin dying

this girl is on fire: 14 years and we !still! have each others' backs

this girl is on fire: i love you so much and you're my brother/sibling!!! i will always be there for you!!!

i don't even like ham: i honestly cant breathe rn

i don't even like ham: 'liza,,, 'ria,,,, herc,,, addy,,, john,,,, laf,,, tom,,, aaron,,, james,,,

i don't even like ham: i love you all so much it hurts me

i don't even like ham: thank you

raise a glass to whatever: we dont deserve each other do we

i don't even like ham: nOPE

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE PUMPED OUT SIX FICS THIS WEEKEND DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME


End file.
